Ljubav na moj način. (1.)
Sigurno se pitate zašto sam pokrenula ovu temu. Zašto baš ljubav kada je danas najbolje pisati o politici, o modi, o muzici, pa i vođenju zdravog načina života. To danas najbolje prolazi. Iskreno, meni nije bitno da li će šta proći ili neće, meni je bitno da svoja iskustva, misli, i zaključke podijelim sa drugim ljudima za koje mislim da će im pomoći i biti bar od nekog značaja. Ja sam jedna jednostavna osoba komplikovanog razmišljanja. Želim jednostavne stvari ali sve to pokušavam dobiti na komplikovan način. Jedna mlada osoba sa mnogo iskustva za svoje godine, sa mnogo doživljenih laži, prevara, izdaja i sa mnogo noževa u leđima. Ostavljala i bila ostavljana. Na prvi pogled ista kao i ostali, ali zapravo sušta suprotnost. Da, to sam ja. Zato naslov i jeste takav. Ljubav, ali na moj način. Tema o kojoj se rijetko ko danas usuđuje da piše, i da iznosi svoja iskustva. Viđamo mi razne savjete, pitanja, odgovore : da li me voli, kako ga zavesti, šta je prava ljubav, kako ga oteti od druge, kako ga zadržati, 5 savjeta za bolji seks..; sve su to neke stranice koje ljudi masovno pretražuju i pregledaju. Ostali smo vjerni samo internetu, vjerujući da je on vjeran samo nama. Kada nam se dese neke loše stvari i greške, da li pokušavamo da ih ispravimo ili samo pređemo preko njih i poslije se čudimo kada se to ponovi. Naravno da u većini slučajeva radimo ovo drugo. Ljudi su nažalost preponosni da bi priznali gdje su pogriješili. Prva sam ja takva. Ma možeš me vrijeđati dan i noć, vječnost čitavu da mi govoriš kako sam pogriješila, ali ja ti to nikada neću priznati. Preponosna. Znam. Ali evo priznajem, to je moja prva u nizu grešaka koje moram ispraviti. Kažu da smo mi škorpije takve, jebi ga. Ja ipak mislim da te život na to tako navikne. Kao mala sam bila dosta povučena, stidljiva i mirna. Pravi " štreber " u školi kako kažu. Nikada nisam ulazila u svađe, nikada u rasprave. Ma pravi anđeo. Ali desile su se mnogo loše stvari. Stvari za koje pomisliš da jedno dijete nije u stanju da pregura. Ali ja jesam. I možda, baš zato, na primjer u nekim stvarima i jesam preponosna. Možda zato teško kažem " izvini ". Jer su teško i meni govorili, zabijali su mi nož u leđa, izvinjavali se i opet isto radili. Od tada, za mene pojam izvinjenje ništa ne znači. Džaba ti sve to, kada ćeš ti opet po svome. Na isto vam dođu i obećanja. Pusta obećanja. Naročito od muškaraca. Ma i žene nisu ništa bolje. Biće ovako, uradiću ovo, uradiću ono, OBEĆAVAM... a na kraju kažu kako nisu ozbiljno mislili. Ma da, koga vi zezate. Teško je danas sa ljudima zaista, toliko je tu iskvarenih i crnih duša da nije ni čudo što se toliko loših stvari dešava. Pa nije ni čudo kada ne možete nekome da kažete da ga volite. Te dvije riječi su sasvim izgubile svoje značenje. Rijetko se o njima razmišlja, a još rjeđe izgovara. A i kako da se izgovara kada te milion puta izdaju i prevare. Pa i najbolji prijatelji. Pa se onda poslije čude kada se ti promijeniš i promijeniš svoje ponašanje prema njima. " Pa šta ti se desilo ? - Pa druže ti si mi se desio. " Zaista, znaju da glume nešto što nikada neće biti. Niko od njih. A to je čovjek. Voljela bih da postoji nešto, neka sprava bilo šta koja bi mogla da označava koji su ljudi dobri, a koji loši, i koji će te povrijediti, a koji neće, možda bi život tako bio normalniji. Iako ne bi bio možda " zanimljiv " kao sada, ali ne bi bar bilo toliko povrijeđenih ljudi i slomljenih srca. Valjda.
P.S. Bilo bi mi od velikog značaja i jako drago kada biste i vi ostali podijelili vaša mišljenja i iskustva vezano za moju trenutnu temu i predstojeće teme koje budem pisala.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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